Those Who Live in Our Hearts

Sometime you know someone for years
and you still don’t know how to have a convo
beyond hello, how are you? Good? Great…

Sometime you know someone for years
and know each other so well
you can be quiet or rowdy, you’ll have a blast

Then you met someone
who made such a huge impression
that when their time is cut short
suddenly you’re left with a gaping hole
and you know not how to stitch it close

Oh life goes on
laundry not gonna clean itself
nor is dinner
would that they could

then you go somewhere
see something
immediately thinking, ooh need to tell.. oh yeah.. can not.

well dang, ain’t that just peachy
who’s cutting onions near me?

halt!
tissues
ok, moving along now

the problem with that gaping hole
no matter how good you are at sewing
you’ll never completely seal it
darn these microscopic holes!

and still, life goes on

sink or swim?

what you have to remember
life jackets and rafts are always available
seek and ye shall find

we’ll see each other anyway, eventually.

until then,
kusjes

lebak bulus 170816

Grief-recovery

Remembering Mr. Morton

Dapper guy, no?

Dapper guy and a bunny

Once all the kids have gone to school, I did what most people around the world do; open their Facebook page. And there it was, a notice from Mel about how her father has passed away in his sleep. Mel’s dad, Mr. Donald Morton has lost his battle with leukemia yesterday…

Stunned.

I knew about his illness. Mel and his sister have kindly updated us on his progress, ever since they found out that he has cancer. They said that it is going to be a difficult battle but I always hope and pray he’ll be better. You see, Mr. Morton is not just Mel’s father, he’s also one of my high school teacher. I have such regards to my teachers, especially now I am one and Mr. Morton was among the good ones.

Mr. Morton is a kind, intelligent, passionate person. He loves teaching, he loves his students and genuinely cares about them. When you pass him in the hallways, he always have a warm smile for you and if he happens to be free, he just loves to start a conversation with you. He has such a wide knowledge, particularly history and literature. You can talk for hours with him about those two things, or until the bell rings. Which is most of the time.

I got him as my Theory of Knowledge or TOK teacher. TOK as a subject is quite strange for me because well, it is about philosophy really and that’s the last thing I want to do at the end of the day. Which is when the class was scheduled for me back then. Gosh, I can sooo feel him now; looking at blank faces staring back at him. Must be my ‘karma’ for blanking on your class eh? 🙂 But outside the classroom I have no problem whatsoever talking with him. Then I graduated, went to uni, while away my first year going to endless lectures when one day it just clicked. All the stuff he was talking about, I got it. About 2 years later I finally understood what he means. See, TOK is about philosophy, about how to process thoughts and sorting out information. Weighty stuff for ESL student, or maybe it is just me. Eventually, when your lecturers are asking you to do essays exploring this and that… So THIS is what THAT was about. I can be a bit slow at times so it seems. But hey, at least I got it eventually.

One thing that always remember about Mr. Morton is how he gently corrects my perception of motherhood. It was during one of our talks that I mentioned that my mom is ‘just a housewife.’ He said,”No, your mom is not just a housewife, she’s a home maker. She created a loving and safe home for you. That’s a hard and thankless job!” That was the first time I heard of the phrase ‘home-maker’. I was so taken by that. Later, Mel would tell me that although he likes spend his time reading and thinking about things, he was also down to doing house chores like doing the dishes after dinner. From stories that Mel told me, I also thinks that he’s a romantic at heart. He’s an American, yet he decided to live and set-up roots in the Netherland because he fall in love with a Dutch lady, Mel’s mom. I think that’s romantic.

So yeah, I was stunned this morning. I sorta went into a funk thinking about my teacher, and then thinking about Mel. I so want to be in NL to hug Mel, to help her in practical way and give my respect to her dad. But alas… we are so far apart. I wish we don’t have to live so far away but c’est la vie.

Dear Mr. Morton, I hope you are in a happier place now, away from pain and hurt. We love you and you are definitely missed. Rest in peace sir, and I hope we’ll see each other again someday.

Mr dan Mrs Morton with Mel. Looking gorgeous.

Mr dan Mrs Morton with Mel. Gorgeus as usual.

with lots of love,
Your former student.

Nu Ku Abdi Dipinkanyaah

Aki saya seorang Polisi
Seorang penyidik
kepala bagian forensik

Membuat saya penasaran
dengan serial CSI
karena Aki adalah Grissom

Bahkan lebih, karena Aki kadang menyamar
untuk menyelesaikan kasus
bila dibutuhkan

Grissom dan Mac
sedikit banyak
mengobati kerinduan hati

Seperti inikah kasus-kasus Aki?
Beginikah cara menyelesaikan investigasi?
Dapatkah penjahatnya selalu Aki penjarakan?

Aki Tata yang bangga dengan institusi kepolisian
bersemangat memindahkan ilmu
untuk generasi baru

Apakah Aki akan paham dengan situasi sekarang?
Apakah Aki akan bangga dengan citra buaya?
Apakah Aki akan paham, yang namanya tidak ada di kertas pemilihan justru lebih ‘sakti’?

Alhamdulillah Aki sudah nyaman
bersama Nini disana
Tidak perlu merasakan
Lalakon nu pikasebeuleun

Cukup kami saja
Insya Allah kami bisa
menghadapi
Lalakon nu geuleuh

Sujud syukur berserta doa
untuk Aki dan Nini
Suatu hari nanti
kita bertemu lagi

Hormat dan cinta
dari incu yang rindu

MJ

Michael Jackson.

Like most kids in the 80’s, I too was caught up in Michael Jackson Mania. My Thriller tape is chewed due being played so many times and we all tried the moonwalk.

Just so happens my parents took a trip stateside so of course I requested all things MJ. My mother deliver magazines and a poster wall of MJ at his most good looking face IMHO with just the nose done. Such talents and charisma.

As years go by, new players streams in and out of my consciousness. But somehow MJ made a spot on my permanent playlist. I watched his videos, tried to learn the dance routines (without much success I must add) and is a welcoming presence in new towns I have to live in. While I must navigate new places, make new friends, which is never an easy thing to do . Just as I’m getting slightly lonely, there’s someone I know since elementary school. There, on my MTV is Michael, singing and dancing his latest song.

I thought it’s kinda interesting how the last of these was during my America years. The last stop before going back home. It’s like, ok, I’m big enough now to cope on my own, I can handle these new things now.

And now he is gone. HisStory has ended. But his spirit lives on. Just take a look at yourself and make that change!

Take care Michael.Hope you’re in a better place now.