Midnight Musings

When darkness falls,
the lovers and the wannabes come out and play.
Their masks fell,
no longer covered by the light.

Come out come out, wherever you are.
In the dark,
your dreams and desires burst out from their confines,
trying ever so hard to materialise.

Some would succeed
some would fail
but the heart,
would refuse to retreat.

In the dark,
the lovers and the wannabes try
and try again
their heart their only weapon
open, for all to see

That is until the lights danced away the darkness.
For when the light finally shines through,
the lovers and the wannabes don back their covers.
Flaunting or retreating
their hearts
simmering
waiting patiently
to be happy

220414 – Lebak Bulus

Remembering Mr. Morton

Dapper guy, no?

Dapper guy and a bunny

Once all the kids have gone to school, I did what most people around the world do; open their Facebook page. And there it was, a notice from Mel about how her father has passed away in his sleep. Mel’s dad, Mr. Donald Morton has lost his battle with leukemia yesterday…

Stunned.

I knew about his illness. Mel and his sister have kindly updated us on his progress, ever since they found out that he has cancer. They said that it is going to be a difficult battle but I always hope and pray he’ll be better. You see, Mr. Morton is not just Mel’s father, he’s also one of my high school teacher. I have such regards to my teachers, especially now I am one and Mr. Morton was among the good ones.

Mr. Morton is a kind, intelligent, passionate person. He loves teaching, he loves his students and genuinely cares about them. When you pass him in the hallways, he always have a warm smile for you and if he happens to be free, he just loves to start a conversation with you. He has such a wide knowledge, particularly history and literature. You can talk for hours with him about those two things, or until the bell rings. Which is most of the time.

I got him as my Theory of Knowledge or TOK teacher. TOK as a subject is quite strange for me because well, it is about philosophy really and that’s the last thing I want to do at the end of the day. Which is when the class was scheduled for me back then. Gosh, I can sooo feel him now; looking at blank faces staring back at him. Must be my ‘karma’ for blanking on your class eh? πŸ™‚ But outside the classroom I have no problem whatsoever talking with him. Then I graduated, went to uni, while away my first year going to endless lectures when one day it just clicked. All the stuff he was talking about, I got it. About 2 years later I finally understood what he means. See, TOK is about philosophy, about how to process thoughts and sorting out information. Weighty stuff for ESL student, or maybe it is just me. Eventually, when your lecturers are asking you to do essays exploring this and that… So THIS is what THAT was about. I can be a bit slow at times so it seems. But hey, at least I got it eventually.

One thing that always remember about Mr. Morton is how he gently corrects my perception of motherhood. It was during one of our talks that I mentioned that my mom is ‘just a housewife.’ He said,”No, your mom is not just a housewife, she’s a home maker. She created a loving and safe home for you. That’s a hard and thankless job!” That was the first time I heard of the phrase ‘home-maker’. I was so taken by that. Later, Mel would tell me that although he likes spend his time reading and thinking about things, he was also down to doing house chores like doing the dishes after dinner. From stories that Mel told me, I also thinks that he’s a romantic at heart. He’s an American, yet he decided to live and set-up roots in the Netherland because he fall in love with a Dutch lady, Mel’s mom. I think that’s romantic.

So yeah, I was stunned this morning. I sorta went into a funk thinking about my teacher, and then thinking about Mel. I so want to be in NL to hug Mel, to help her in practical way and give my respect to her dad. But alas… we are so far apart. I wish we don’t have to live so far away but c’est la vie.

Dear Mr. Morton, I hope you are in a happier place now, away from pain and hurt. We love you and you are definitely missed. Rest in peace sir, and I hope we’ll see each other again someday.

Mr dan Mrs Morton with Mel. Looking gorgeous.

Mr dan Mrs Morton with Mel. Gorgeus as usual.

with lots of love,
Your former student.

My Beautiful Strangers

So there I was puttering in the house when the playlist, that I always set at random, choose Madonna’s Beautiful Stranger. Suddenly my mind is transported back to Summer of 99… πŸ™‚

Back then I was graduate student living a stress free (yeah right!) life in Boston. My best mates were Rob and Matt. All of us were in the same COM class of ’00 though Matt was in Production like me and Rob was in TV Management. In the first semester we share a fair amount of classes together and we just clicked. Soon the three of us would hang out everywhere together.

Between internship and the already paid rent I decided to stay during the summer instead of going home. Matt and Rob were also staying in town. So of course we spend even more time hanging out together. Of the three of us, Rob is the only one with a proper paying job, that’s how he supports himself through school. Thus he’s the one with a car and during that summer he decided to bought a new car. I don’t for the live of me remember what the car was, all I remember was that it was an SUV, black, with only 2 doors cuz he said 4 doors are for families. Whatever. It means Matt and I were always fighting to ride shotgun. He likes that. Evil!

Rob’s job involved him going out-of-town for a couple of weeks or so, then stay in town for a few. He’s in union too so it was a very well paid job compared to the rest of us (yeah so say the trust fund baby with the monkey servant and elephant showers – ok that’s an inside jokes πŸ˜‰ Now that he has a car, whenever he’s in town he likes to pack us up and go somewhere. So off we go. Sometimes we just go to chill out around Boston, sometimes we go further like to New York or to the Cape. He’d lug us there, took us to his favourite place to have clam chowder then we’d hit the beach.

It was during one of these sunset session at the Cape that we really opened up to one another. This sounds really clichΓ© but we talked about our hopes, our dreams, our fears. We have another year of school then off to the real world we go. Matt and Rob (no, they’re not a couple) were planning to move to NYC and I was not sure where to go. I don’t want to go home just yet, I want to go to LA but neither of them wants to go there. Rob because his job’s HQ is in NY so if he wants to move to management it makes more sense to be there rather than somewhere else. Matt, well he’s from the NY State so it’s like going home for him. They were trying to persuade me to come with them, pointing out the benefit of being in the Big Apple, “We could live together like Friends!” Err… as much as I love you guys, I really don’t want to live with you. No thank you.

As the moon rose, the sea gets really dark. I suddenly quipped, “To think, my family is on the other side of the ocean…” and it hits me, sooner or later this is just going to be a memory. I am going home eventually. I am going to miss my two best friends very much. We joked that I should get married to Rob (cuz Matt already have a girlfriend somewhere) to get a green card then split immediately. Haha! Now that would be really funny. My parents would kill me for a start…

What has this got to do with Beautiful Strangers? Well, it was in Austin Powers, a movie that came out that summer, that we watched together and have a good laugh. It was on the radio during our trips, alternating with Ricky Martin and J-Lo. So yeah, here we are more than a decade later. I’m firmly at home and those two are firmly at NY. I kinda lost touch with Matt, last I heard he’s doing just fine. I hope so. Rob updates his fb every now and then so I know he’s definitely doing good.

Here’s to my beautiful strangers, may you stay well and beautiful. Cheers!

The Beautiful Strangers in Boston

Little Lies I Told

I should not be surprised
Cupid never promised
nor did Eros

No promises were broken
how?
when none were made

A flash
a glimpse
ever so brief
ever so fleeting
tantalising
taunting
daring

And here we are
toying
mulling
torturing

So let’s stop
let us just stop

I need to land
crashing as it may be

I have to land
wrenching as it will be

but I spun a web
To catch my hurt
to heal the ache

and I’ll wait
for Eros and Cupid
to fulfill
their promise

To my girl in need

Dear Girlfriend,

First of all, know that I love you. I love you and I want the best for you. So please don’t take this the wrong way, okay πŸ™‚

Dearest, he is not the answer. Yes, you read that right. He’s not the answer.Let him go.

He’s just a sign that all is not right in your paradise. He’s an escape. He can’t help you, if anything he’ll make it worse. Don’t throw away your paradise. We don’t even know what his feelings are for you. For all we know, he just regards you as a friend. Nothing more.

Your paradise, now him, that’s the one you should be worrying. He loves you. That much we know is true. The thing is dear, relationship is hard. It is difficult and you gotta work at it. How could it be so difficult if your love each other? It’s because we’re human. We grow, we change, we’re dynamic and constantly evolving. Anyone who told you that love is easy is delusional. That, or in denial.

Love is never easy. It’s a constant battle. My parents been married for nearly 50 years and they still fought every now and then. But they also show me the rewards of being in love for that long. They are happy, healthy, busy, with solid working mind. Oh yes there’s sign of aging here and there, they are in their 70’s after all. My Dad is my Mom’s fiercest supporter and vice versa. If you cross one of them, then you’re messing with both of them.

So yes, it is normal to have problems. It is normal to feel that all is not right. What you need to do is talk to him, figure it out. Don’t run away from him. Don’t run to the other guy. He can’t do anything for you. He’ll just creates more problems and you don’t need more problems. If after trying it out you still can’t solve it then we’ll talk again. But for now, try it out. Okay.

with love,

The Exes Parade

I don’t get it when people talk about being friends with their ex-boyfriend, ex-husband maybe, particularly when there’s kids involved. But mere boyfriend?

I don’t have a lot, and while I no longer feel like harming them, nor do I feel any particular needs to be friends with them, even with those who parted amicably. It just seems to me that once you moved on, which I have, they then belong firmly in the past. Unless you have to work with them or has the luck of being their neighbor then I don’t see the need to be chummy.

Having said all that, I do think about them every now and then. I would be lying if I said I’m not at all curious about how they are now. Of course I do. They once occupy a big space in my life! And once they’re in my heart, they stay there even in diminishing real estate. I don’t want them to be miserable either, I’d want them to be happy.

Back then, the only way to find out was through the grapevine. These days you can snoop around to check their online trace. Mind you, if they’re Luddites or are not socmed freaks it could get a bit difficult πŸ˜‰

So yeah, I confess, I’ve googled them. Some I find, some seems to vanished. Oh well. Those that I dead able to track seems to be doing ok. They seem to be where they want to be so that can’t be bad. Am I envious? No. Do I want their life? No. Is my life better? I dunno, I certainly have a good life, I’ve been blessed. Theirs? Just different.

I do believe it works out for the best in the end. I could probably do without the heartache but hey, that’s life right?

So my dear exes, have a good life. Take care 😘

Imaginary Lover

And I masked sadness with smile,
for I am not ready to lose you.
Not yet, not yet.

And I know that time is coming,
you were never mine,
and I, the fool that dare to adore you

I am I am playing with borrowed time,
toying with razor sharp blades,
at the ready at any given time

Scold me, mock me,
but tell me,
would you let this go if you could?

And I bet you that you wouldn’t,
fight me but you wouldn’t.
You’d stand with me and hang on precariously

Don’t hold me,
don’t kiss me if you can’t fix me,
and you won’t

Alas, alas,
such is my fate, my dearest,
I pick the short straw
with your name etched in the end

What can I do, what can I do,
but yearn for you?

Sleep well, sleep well,
let me dream for you,
mi amor

I know not how long this ledge will last,
so let me be,
let me be

~blokm-lbbulus050412~

One Day at the Supermarket

One fine day, as I go through my grocery list, I think of you

I think of how you would probably like the tasty oranges currently in season

or perhaps a bite of a Β Yang Lie Pear as favoured by my children

 

I move to the vegetables section,

Like my mom, you also like raw greens

It’s the Sunda trait in both of you

I saw the chillies and think how your wife always eats her dinner with sambal

if that’s not available, then, raw chilli(es) it is

and how that amuses you

 

I pass the chocolate section

You like chocolates right? I know one of your brother does

Apparently your brother likes to hide them so other can’t find it.

Did you?

 

I push my trolley, and I think of you

Of your gentle smile

Your ever-present quirky humour

“You know, she’s not really alone, there’s a director and the crew over there…”

would be your comment upon a particularly scary scene in a movie

So typical of my mum’s family πŸ˜€

 

We shared partial dna

and my mum told many stories

of growing up with you

that I feel I know you

 

I don’t see you that often

But when we do, you always bestow a quick kiss on the forehead

as you do to all your nieces

regardless whether we’re 5, 10 or 35.

 

Wa Emon,

you leave us

with your gentle smile

giving us too, a smile amidst our tears

 

Inna lillahi wa inna illaihi rojiun

 

Take care Uwa,

You’re in good hands

Some of the family are already there to greet you

Your dad and your son in particular

I know you’re happy there

 

Until we meet again

 

lebak bulus 24212

The View from the 33rd floor

I’m inspired by ms. Carla and her love of New Orleans. As I’m going through my photo file I realised that Babeh (my nickname for my darling husband) took a fair amount of photos about whatever took his fancy really. Upon reading thisΒ I thought why not start now?Β So this morning is my first attempt at photo-blogging his photos. These were all taken using his DSLR camera. I have no idea of the technical details. Hope you like it.

A cloudy morning in the office

Smog creates the grey clouds. On the rare chance of a bright blue sky it is actually very pretty.

A concert hall in a mall near his office

We’ve been to a concert a few times here. The acoustic is good and the location is not too far from our house. The mall is a different story. I wish they didn’t create the mall, just the concert hall and a food court.

The bridge to and from the TransJakarta, a mass public transit bus, connecting from various stops

Haven’t use it myself, have this innate fear of wanting to jump upon crossing bridges. Not cool.

A collection of shiny glossy skyscraper on Sudirman, the premium CBD in Jakarta

I think this one was taken in the afternoon, the sky looks grayer.

Everyday traffic through Sudirman, not at its peak.

The famous Semanggi or Clover bridge. Was build in the 60’s I think.

Joyyo, lounging enjoying life , doing what cat does best πŸ˜€

Well, I took this pic on my nifty little Blackberry camera. Can’t really have a photo blog without any of my cats making an appearance now can we?

Have a great weekend everyone πŸ™‚

Bukan Pada Pandangan Pertama

Kisah kita
Bukan dongeng cinderella
Tentang putri dan pangeran
Bertemu dan bercinta
Di istana selamanya

Cerita kita
Via elektronika
Setiap pagi layar dibuka
Sembari berdoa
“Oh inbox, berilah tanda
Ada surel dari dia!”

Saksi kita
Bukan awan dan matahari
Melainkan modem dan kabel optik
Membawa ribuan rangkaian 1 dan 0
Berpacu menembus laut dan daratan

Cinta kita
Bukan pada pandangan pertama
Namun kalau boleh dikata
Pada surel pertama!

Kita mungkin memang gila
Menyambut tawaran emak-emak muda
Dengan semangat comblang empatlima
Tapi terpujilah mereka!

Sigaraning jiwo,
Demikianlah sejarah kita
Sebagai pengingat anak-anak kita
Bagaimana mereka bisa berada

Semoga bersamamu aku bisa
Membangun istana yang kekal nantinya
Untuk kita
BersamaNya

*happy anniversary babeh gibol*
*ms Yuli & ms Yudit, we owe you. Hope you receive your respective castles :)”