And Off They Grow…

You always think of your child as babies. I think that’s one undeniable thing about being a parent. That’s what my dad says when my sister was getting married. He says, “Are you sure you want to get married? Aren’t you a little young to be married?” Well dad, considering at that time she was over 25, she is most certainly not anymore 😉

Baby no 1 saying hello to a plant

So now I have babies of my own. I have 2 little babies who are on their way not being a baby no more. But you know, you live with your kids, taking care of them day in-day out, manage their sibling fights and what nots, and somehow they stay babies in your mind. Until you take them to school.

Baby no 2 enjoying Granny time

Once your kids enter school… that’s it, no turning back. Every time you see their friends you’re reminded how fast they are growing. You may deny it at home, but at school it is harder. They get taller, chattier, more independent. Why can’t they just stay young forever?

Ah but they can’t though can they? Nor can you. Yes you 😉 Not much you can do about it, I’m afraid. So you know, just enjoy the time you have with them. Enjoy being with them, reading them stories, dropping and picking them up from school. Enjoy mealtimes together. Take family trips, have birthdays or whatever it is that you want to celebrate together. Have fun, have memories.

One day they will be out of your hair, they’ll move on and have family of their own. Gasp! My baby having their own babies! Not anytime soon I hope. But as my dad has shown, no matter how old you get, you’re still their baby. You may be out of your parents hair, but not of their minds. Never.

So here’s to parents and babies! Have love, have faith in this one big unstoppable journey.

Tada! Baby 1 and baby 2 slowly easing out of babyhood.







Drive Bebe, Drive part 2

Pleasant, is not a word one would use to describe Jakarta‘s traffic. Horrid is more like it. The roads are not exactly wide, there are way too many private vehicles and not enough public transportation to alleviate the traffic. To makes matters worse, there are literally tens of thousands of motorcyclist crowding the streets at every hour of everyday. Not exactly something that would entice anyone to drive and join in the throngs. So I don’t. I was quite content to use taxis and drivers to get me from point A to point B. Until I have children.

One can't take pictures like this if behind the wheel 🙂

Actually I didn’t immediately start driving as soon as I have kids, (for a history of my driving read here) I started driving after we move house and Babeh got a new city car for us. We moved a bit further back to the suburbs, in fact our house is right on the city border between Jakarta and Cirendeu; just cross the bridge and I’m in another province altogether. As such, Babeh thinks it is high time we got another car just to complete the white picket fence type family with 3 cats instead of dogs.

I was still quite reluctant since we have a driver, but the longer distance between our house and Babeh’s office plus his busier schedule, force me to drive myself and the kids around. Since we just love the traffic, we manage to carve our kids lives as close to home as possible so all their schools and extra curricular are still within the 10-15 minutes driving from home. But there is this one place that’s about 45 minutes away. Now, the furthest I drive was to our local mall, about 20-30 minutes away.  This place is a little bit beyond the mall.  On this particular day, Babeh needs the car and it is silly to use taxi when there’s a perfectly good city car sitting on the driveway. So I packed the kids, say a little prayer, and off we go.

To say I was nervous was understatement. White knuckles gripping the steering wheel tight. Then something happened. I passed the mall, wait for the light to turns green, and turns to the adjoining street leaving the Pondok Indah area, entering Radio Dalam. As I was driving the somewhat long stretch of road something clicks. There’s really nothing to driving, just a matter of confidence and familiarity and I was pretty familiar with the area. I spend over half of my live living in South Jakarta in particular the Blok-M – Lebak Bulus area, so it’s not like I’m venturing into a brave new world. It’s an old world I pass everyday just now with me behind the wheels.

Just like that, my fear of driving dissipates. I can not let my fear of Jakarta’s traffic rule over me. My children need me. I need to be able to step up when needed. My parents did not raise me to be a dependent person, they raise me to be independent. Driving is one way to prove it. Interesting how I need my children to points that out to me, around 9 years after I moved back home to Jakarta. It’s amazing how proud my kids can get when I pick them from school myself.

But as they say, better late than never 🙂 Although the furthest I got so far is to my work place – still within South Jakarta – it is good enough for now. So thank you kids, for trusting and believing that your mommy can! Love you lots!!!

The Two that I already have

Heard a wonderful news this morning, a dear friend is expecting her third child. Congratulations! So happy for her 🙂

Being pregnant certainly is a joyous thing. I’m lucky both pregnancies went off without a hitch save for an early scare during the first one but being mentally happy while receiving adequate healthcare works wonders. A bit of r&r, proper nourishment (over nourished some might say) and the first one was back on track in no time.

While I never pray for a specific child, Babeh used to get a feeling whether we’d have a daughter or a son. I just prayed for a healthy baby thus that’s how I got two perfectly formed, healthy babies. I guess I was a bit freaked out because the first thing I asked Babeh after the baby come out was if they have complete set of fingers, toes, is everything in the right place,nose, eyes, mouth, etc.

After I have both a boy and a girl, we’re quite happy. There were thoughts of having more but my thinking is that I would only have more babies if Babeh wants more kids. There’s nothing worse than an unwanted baby and I’d have none of that. I also believe that God knows what’s best for you. If God thinks I’m worthy of having more then nothing would prevent us from having another. However, I’m fully aware that even with just two kids I am already among the blessed ones. I have seen the angst some friends go through to have a baby. No complaints from me about that.

So there we have it. I’m very thankful for the two that I already have. I hope to raise them to be good, great people. All my love to you kids. Thank you for gracing my life with your presence.

*A, hope you have a safe, healthy, happy pregnancy 🙂 *

Dekatilah Anakmu…

baca status temen pagi ini yang ngasih link ke suatu berita kok ya ngenes to, lagi-lagi bukannya introspeksi tapi menyalahkan faktor luar sebagai penyebabnya. Biasalah masih masalah pornografi dan anak. Iya bener, dengan adanya internet sekarang akses memang lebih mudah dan gampang tapi ya jangan melulu salahkan internet dong. Pemblokiran juga menurut saya bukan jawabannya meski banyak yang ngotot demikian dengan memberikan Cina sebagai contoh. Iya, tapi di Cina juga… ah sudahlah… saya nggak pengen membandingkan negara.

Bagi saya, adalah tugas kita sebagai orang tua untuk mendekati anak, mengajarkan yang baik dan menjauhi yang salah. Tidak bisa kita limpahkan ke sekolah, tidak bisa menyalahkan kerjaan, teman, tetangga, warnet, dll. Anak sudah dikasih perhatian cukup belum? Sudah membuat rambu2 yang disepakati bersama belum? Misalnya nih:

1. Aduuh gimana ya sekarang gampang bener akses video pake hp.
Lha, anaknya kenapa dikasih hape yang canggih? Ya abis kan sekarang semua hp gprs.
Nah, emang udah perlu pake hp? SD anak saya termasuk yang ketat soal hape, aih jangankan SD, SMP keponakan saya aja masih nggak membolehkan hp. Orang tua kalau perlu apa2 telpon ke sekolah! Titip pesan ke wali kelas nanti diteruskan. Secara gitu rata2 anak2 ini masih sd dan smp. Seberapa perlunya mereka ber hape ria? apalagi ber bb?

2. Abis mereka kerjanya main internet/nonton video/nonton tipik terus.
Udah dikasih batasan belum? Tivi misalnya. Kontrol dong berapa jam anak boleh nonton tivi atau apa yang mereka boleh tonton. Libatkan orang rumah dalam proses kontrol ini.
Saya memang termasuk orang tua yang membolehkan anak nonton tivi. Tapi saya berulang kali menegaskan channel apa saja yang boleh mereka lihat. Kalau mereka ingin nonton sama mbaknya, hanya beberapa program yang mereka bisa nonton bareng – musik dan kuis. Selainnya nggak boleh.
Secara nih ya, saya nggak punya duit buat bikin program tivi sendiri, gak punya akses ke yang punya saluran tipik, dan belum ada waktu untuk jadi aktifis tipik, ya saya pragmatis aja. Saya nggak mungkin menonton sama anak setiap saat, jadi saat punya rezeki lebih, ambil tivi langganan yang jauuuh lebih aman.

Tapi tivi berbayar kan mahal? Konsekuensinya? ya harus nonton bareng anak. Percayalah, sebelum tivi berbayar masuk rumah entah berapa jam saya habiskan menonton Dora, Spongebob dan teman2. Spongebob? kan kasar? lho justru, saat yang tepat untuk mengajari anak jangan berperilaku seperti itu yaaa itu nakal, nggak baik :p hehehe… aye mantan anak tipik siy

3. Ya elu enak di rumah, gw kan kerja cape…
emang ibu bekerja hanya dikau seorang? Tuh temen aye singel fighter! Kagak ade lakinya. Malah suka bikin aku malu karena doi lebih canggih ngurus anak ketimbang aku yang ibu rt.

Kalau kayak gini saya jadi ingat masa SMA dimana rata2 ibu temen2ku tu ibu rt, hampir nggak ada yang ibu bekerja tapi toh hasilnya variatif. Ada yang anaknya tetap nge-drugs, ada yang enggak. Jadi nggak efek apakah ibunya kerja atau tidak. Karena dalam semua situasi ada yang anaknya baik-baik saja, ada yang anaknya kacau balau. Semua kembali pada orang tuanya masing2.

So pada intinya, dan ini sebenernya jari nunjuk diri sendiri juga, dekatilah anakmu. Kenali dan sayangi mereka. Practice what you preach – nah ini gw banget nih, kadang2 masih bersalah do as I say not as I do. Bad mom.

Saya nggak bilang ini gampang. Buat saya juga susah. Setiap hari harus ingat untuk ikhlas dan sabar, supaya nggak cepet marah, nggak cepet ngambek. Setiap hari harus ingat bahwa anak itu mahluk individu. Kadang kan suka loncer membandingan adik dan kakak, padahal yaa mereka kan beda. Ya emang gak ada yang bilang jadi ortu itu gampang kok. Tapi ini kan konsekuensi dari perbuatan diri sendiri. Sapa suruh menikah dan punya anak?

But, here they are now. Saya sudah menjadi orang terpilih, terpilih untuk menjadi ibu. Mau nggak mau, suka nggak suka harus bertanggung jawab. Klo jatuh, ya bangun lagi. Klo marah ya minta maaf. Peluk anak. Percayalah, I’m far from being an ideal mom, bukan materi Ummi Award, paling enggak saat ini. hehe…

Jadi orang tua, jangan salahkan ini itu yaa. Dekati anaknya. Memang nggak ada jaminan, tapi insya Allah, orang tua yang dekat dengan anaknya akan membuat anaknya lebih sayang dan menghargai dirinya sendiri. Semoga.