Of Marriage and Finance

A friend of mine is going to quit her job to stay at home with her children. Nothing spectacular there. In fact it is a highly commendable act. What’s very surprising is that she seems very awkward in figuring out her finances once she stops working. She’s totally clueless now that she has to rely completely on her husband. I was like, well, how do you manage your finances before?

Turned out they never talk about finances openly and transparently. Seems like because they were both working and because my friend earn enough, she never asked her husband for anything and thus her husband never gave anything. He didn’t pitch in, nothing. Not unless she directly asked him. How strange I thought.

While I never actually call a meeting between my husband and an accountant, we’re pretty much open and transparent about our finances. We talked about working, the possibility of me staying home once we have kids, so we have to figure out living on one income, etc. Though my salary never equal his, nowhere close! It still makes a difference so we do have to adjust our lifestyle a bit. But because it all been discussed and agreed before, it didn’t feel like such a big burden. Oh yes, we do feel the pinch but we just laughed it off because we have this gorgeous creature to offset it.

But anyway, my friend, she seems so lost. She so scared that she’ll be completely dependent on her man that at one point I want to shake her and said, sweetie, he’s your husband, he’s responsible for you and your children well being! Good lord! She’s sacrificing her career to take care of THEIR children so THEIR kids can have a parent around instead of being reared by a nanny. You justcan not have it both ways. Something must give and in ths case she chose to give up her career. Until it click upon me why she’s so scared.

I forgot that she didn’t exactly have a good role model. My parents were typical conservative parents, dad goes to work, mom stays home and then once we’re of school age, off she goes to do social work. Hence I have no reservations nor problems about staying home and living off my husband so to speak. She, on the other hand, experience no such things. She had to fend off for herself from such early age that I don’t think she even understand what marriage is all about. Then of course she has the good fortune to marry a… hmm… let’s choose our word carefully here, d*ckhead, j*rk, pr*t? Oh my, so many choice word to choose from.

But you know, what’s done is done. You can’t change yesterday but you can definitely do somehing about tomorrow. So I talked her some stuff about family financing and she seems to feel better. and I tell her that it is imperative that she and her husband must start to be open about finance. They have children now. They can’t led separate lives. Do that, might as well get out of the marriage too. Well, I didn’t say that of course. I truly hope that both of the are really willing to work it out. Fingers cross!

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2 thoughts on “Of Marriage and Finance

  1. kesian banget temenmu itu, moga2 bener2 bisa komunikasi lancar deh soal segalanya, terutama keuangan. aku selalu pikir, kalo orang mo nikah tuh, yang prinsip2 udah dibahas tuntas dan disepakati sebelum nikah, antara lain soal anak, kerjaan, uang, dan masa depan (tujuan). pas pacaran, ngapain aja yah? makanya aku males tuh pacaran, sekalian taaruf, biar jelas. hehehehehhehe.

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