Saya Perlu Istri, Anda Perlu Suami?

Assalammualaikum,

Saya adalah seorang duda cerai dengan 3 anak. Umur mereka, 18, 16 dan 14 tahun. Hak wali
asuh sepenuhnya ada pada saya, namun anak-anak bergantian menghabisakan akhir pekan dengan Ibunya alias mantan istri. Karena saya single parent, jadinya saya sangat dekat dengan anak-anak saya dan juga dengan keluarga besar saya.

Saya orangnya humoris, suka bercanda, suka baca buku terutama buku sejarah, perang dan militer. Tapi saya juga suka baca fiksi dan karena saya harus mengetahui bacaan anak saya (menyensor) jadi mau nggak mau saya juga banyak baca komik dan buku2 yang menarik buat mereka. Saya juga sangat suka musik, terutama alternatif rock, yang jaman saya tentunya seperti Genesis, Dream Theater, etc.
Saya wiraswata, tidak merokok, serta bertanggung jawab. Penghasilan memadai untuk
hidup dengan 3 anak.

Saya mengharapkan seorang Muslimah, baik single atau janda dengan anak yang usianya lebh muda dari anak2 saya sendiri, yang bisa saya ajak mengobrol, suka musik atau paling tidak mentolerir selera musik saya. Serta siap membantu mengurus anak-anak saya yang beranjak dewasa supaya anak-anak saya juga punya panutan muslima dewasa dirumah, karena ibu mereka toh masih ada, dan tentunya yang mau membangun keluarga sakina, mawadan wa rahmah bersama saya.

Apakah anda muslimah untuk saya?

Apabila anda tertarik, YM atau japri ke sita_sidharta@hotmail.com. Semua korespondensi
akan ditanggapi secara konfidensial.

Wasalam,

.

Of Marriage and Finance

A friend of mine is going to quit her job to stay at home with her children. Nothing spectacular there. In fact it is a highly commendable act. What’s very surprising is that she seems very awkward in figuring out her finances once she stops working. She’s totally clueless now that she has to rely completely on her husband. I was like, well, how do you manage your finances before?

Turned out they never talk about finances openly and transparently. Seems like because they were both working and because my friend earn enough, she never asked her husband for anything and thus her husband never gave anything. He didn’t pitch in, nothing. Not unless she directly asked him. How strange I thought.

While I never actually call a meeting between my husband and an accountant, we’re pretty much open and transparent about our finances. We talked about working, the possibility of me staying home once we have kids, so we have to figure out living on one income, etc. Though my salary never equal his, nowhere close! It still makes a difference so we do have to adjust our lifestyle a bit. But because it all been discussed and agreed before, it didn’t feel like such a big burden. Oh yes, we do feel the pinch but we just laughed it off because we have this gorgeous creature to offset it.

But anyway, my friend, she seems so lost. She so scared that she’ll be completely dependent on her man that at one point I want to shake her and said, sweetie, he’s your husband, he’s responsible for you and your children well being! Good lord! She’s sacrificing her career to take care of THEIR children so THEIR kids can have a parent around instead of being reared by a nanny. You justcan not have it both ways. Something must give and in ths case she chose to give up her career. Until it click upon me why she’s so scared.

I forgot that she didn’t exactly have a good role model. My parents were typical conservative parents, dad goes to work, mom stays home and then once we’re of school age, off she goes to do social work. Hence I have no reservations nor problems about staying home and living off my husband so to speak. She, on the other hand, experience no such things. She had to fend off for herself from such early age that I don’t think she even understand what marriage is all about. Then of course she has the good fortune to marry a… hmm… let’s choose our word carefully here, d*ckhead, j*rk, pr*t? Oh my, so many choice word to choose from.

But you know, what’s done is done. You can’t change yesterday but you can definitely do somehing about tomorrow. So I talked her some stuff about family financing and she seems to feel better. and I tell her that it is imperative that she and her husband must start to be open about finance. They have children now. They can’t led separate lives. Do that, might as well get out of the marriage too. Well, I didn’t say that of course. I truly hope that both of the are really willing to work it out. Fingers cross!

Opinion Schmopinion

If, you read a post and you totally disagree with what that person’s opinion, what should you do? Put down your two cents? Ignore it? Take them off your list? Doesn’t seem democratic, to write people off simply because you don’t agree with them. Nor would it do you any good to be surrounded with “yes men” all the time. Sometimes I really wonder, is it really worth it? Or should you just simplify your life? But if you simplify your life, then you run the risk of going through life with a blinders but at least you won’t be agitated, you won’t be bete.

For example, I was quite annoyed at recent postings in one of the mailing lists I joined until a friend posted a rebuttal. Was so pleased with him. Told him that I’ve been thinking of writing a reply but that he put it much more eloquently that I didn’t post my reply. He said, it’s not a matter of eloquence but common sense. Basically he said not to be afraid to voice my opinion. I supposed that’s very true. People seems to have lost their common sense these days, not sure they even had it to begin with, so how do you reason with people who has no sense? How do you even start?

sheesh…. I should’ve paid more attention during those Theory of Knowledge classes back then. Perhaps then I wouldn’t worry so much about these things…