Tetra Burd

Barusan dapat berita sedih. Kucingnya Jen, Tetra, meninggal minggu lalu. Ah jadi sedih juga. Bukan hanya karena saya pencinta kucing, tapi karena saya pernah tinggal bareng sama si Tetra, jadi kenal betul sama kucing satu ini.

Jadi ceritanya waktu di LA saya tinggal serumah sama Jen. Jen punya dua kucing, Tetra sama Bella. Mereka jenis kucing yang berbulu panjang. Waktu pertama kali melihat mereka saya takjub, wow, bulunya banyak betul! Tadinya saya pikir kelihatannya kok aneh ya bulunya kemana-mana gitu. Tapi setelah terbiasa malah pas liat kucing yang bulunya pendek saya jadi bingung, lho…. bulu-bulunya pada kemana? hehe..

Tetra warnanya coklat tua hampir hitam. Pada waktu itu umurnya sudah sekitar 12 tahun. Jadi gerakannya sudah tidak segesit Bella yang masih bocah. Kalau Bella badannya berwarna coklat muda dengan kaki coklat tua. Lucu dan sangat menggemaskan. Tetra sukanya bobo. Bella sukanya lulumpatan kemana-mana. Sering Tetra diganggu dan digoda sama Bella. Nanti kalau Tetra sudah kesal, Bella dikejar-kejar keliling rumah. Heboh deh pokonya mereka berdua itu.

Kalau Jen pulkam, saya yang mengurus kucing-kucingnya. Diberi makan, minum, bak pupnya diganti pasirnya, main-main dan nonton tipi bareng sama Bella dan Tetra. Mereka bobonya sama ibunya, tapi kadang-kadang Tetra bobo juga di kamar saya. Biasanya dia suka mendekam di bawah tempat tidur yang adem dan dingin. Suprise aja pagi-pagi bangun, buka pintu eh ada yang ikutan keluar kamar juga Meskipun biasanya bobonya di kolong, kadang-kadang Tetra suka naik dan bobo di atas. Jarang sih, tapi pernah. Rasanya nyaman aja ada bundelan hangat di kaki, cuma ya bulu-bulunya yang nempel itu… weh… bikin bersin-bersin.

Saya ingat suatu waktu saya sakit. Ih rasanya menderita banget deh. Panas, sendirian, wah.. sangat-sangat nggak nyaman. Eh sama Tetra saya ditemani! Malam itu Tetra bobonya di kamar saya. Nggak di kolong, nggak di atas tapi tepat disamping tempat tidur seolah-olah menjaga saya. Dan begitu saya sembuh, Tetra balik lagi bobo di kamarnya. Menurut Jen, Tetra memang punya insting begitu, dulu dirumahnya kalau kakaknya atau ibunya sakit Tetra juga suka menemani mereka sampai sembuh. Ah Tetra, kamu sungguh kucing yang penyayang.

Sepeninggal Tetra, Bella jadi bingung. Meski sepertinya Bella mengerti bahwa ada masalah dengan Tetra, toh dia kaget juga waktu Tetra meninggal. Saat ini, kalau Jen pulang kantor, Bella mengikutinya kemana-mana bahkan sampai ke kamar mandi. Kasihan Bella.

Kata Jen, Tetra menderita gagal ginjal dan kemungkinan terkena kanker tulang juga. Diakhir hayatnya Tetra jadi semakin pendiam, susah ke belakang, serta malas makan dan minum. Tetra akhirnya berpulang minggu lalu diumur 18.5 tahun. Cukup tua untuk seekor kucing. Ah Tetra, begitu banyak kenangan manis bersamamu. Kami semua merindukanmu. Semoga kamu mendapat tempat nyaman di surga kucing.

PS: Tetra, maaf ya, saya nggak punya foto kamu yang versi digital. Ini fotonya sodara kamu yang saya comot dari web. Iya nggak secantik kamu memang tapi lumayan mirip kan untuk menghias halaman ini. Baik-baik disana ya sayang

Affection is Desirable. Money is Indispensable!

This delicious quote is uttered by Mrs. Austen in the film, “Becoming Jane” as she tries to reason with her daughter accept the proposal from the rich booby. As way back then, the only way out for women was through marriage and when you are poor, like the Austen’s was, then you can’t really be picky about whom you choose to marry.

While fortunately things have gotten better, had Jane Austen been born today she would no doubt be able to go to University on scholarship, then met many fellows who would challenge her mind. After graduation she could work, be independent thus not relying on others for sustenance. So even if she does fall for a poor fella, it wouldn’t really matter since both of the would be able to work their way up and it is very common for both wife and husband to be working these days.

But, sadly, in certain circles money still a deciding factor on accepting marriage proposals even today. Seem unthinkable. But very true. Those that are very poor and very rich definitely considers that as the deal breaker. My mother once related a conversation she had with a businessman. He felt sorry for his brother because their parents didn’t like it that he had fall for a poor woman. After further inquiries, it turned out that her parents didn’t own factories and was not a high ranking official or management, but in all likelihood were not destitute, ie, they were just ordinary family. His parents didn’t approve of the match because she would bring nothing to their business, no merging of factories or insider help in business. There are people who definitely matchmaking their children solely on the basis of the family, he’s so and so son, she’s so and so daughter, they would be a good match! Natch!

While it is true that money is indispensable, life definitely be easier with it than without it, without affection life would be very dry indeed. Still, if you marry solely on affection, it could turn sour very soon once the reality of life sets in what with kids, housing, health and education prices keep getting higher and higher. So, what to do? How do you choose the one?

For me, the answer is back to faith. Faith will guide you. So first make sure you’re on the same page faith-wise, check that you really do believe in the same things and has the same basic principles. Once that is checked then yeah, do take account of the other two. Money makes life easy. Affection makes life sweeter. However, do remember that people can and do change; money can be earned, affection can grow but faith is very hard to shake.

grundelan gak mutu

Paling bete dah nulis panjang lebar trus ilang gara2 kompi error! Emang sih yang ilang bukannya kerjaan, tapi teteup aja rasa sebelnya ada. Padahal dah save foto dari internet buat melengkapi catatannya. Yah dasar emang manusia lebih bebal dari keledai. Lagian salah sendiri juga, dah tau kalo nulis di kompi teh kudu di save setelah satu dua para biar kalo ilang nggak stress2 amat ini teh sampe tulisan hampir selesai nggak juga disave, kayak baru kenal ama kompi ajah. Jadi ya salah sendiri toh? hehehe…

Greed & Corruption

It is amazing how corrupt our country is.

Oh yes, I know it is not a breaking news event. Still. Faced with the actuality I can not help but feel amazed (and disgusted plus sick to the stomach) at the show of manipulation in action. Money talks. Yes, we do it. The small things like paying extra to speed up the ID card, passport, marriage certificate, birth certificate, and any other certificate or paperwork that we need to do. That’s still corruption albeit on a small personal scale. But when it is huge, corporation, duping loads of people scale then it is truly amazing.

What people will do for money.

What people will do to go against their conscience, surely everyone has it, some just get better at ignoring it and ultimately forget they even got one.

To be blind and to worship money. To give in to greed.

Morality? Morality don’t make me rich.

In cash we trust.

No cash, no justice.

Right becomes wrong. Wrong become right. (and I am just full of cliches)

Scary. Very scary.

curhat

I feel jittery today. I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. My court case isn’t going so well. Turned out our lawyers aren’t very good. The suit they made was unfocused, incomplete, basically it was crap. Thus the guy we sue returned the favor by picking at every single holes our lawyer made. True, the other guy aren’t so wonderful either, their answers also not watertight but they made a counter-suit and it made me unable to sleep. Plus, they had another more expensive lawyer that returned what my husband called an academic paper that really makes our suit looks like shit. I am so crushed.

I know we are in the right. We’re the ones that are wronged yet somehow we’ve been dogged from the start. Big lesson learned:I should listen to myself more and call people on their bullshit. Seriously. This is what happened when you let turd run all over. Very NATO. Unprofessional. Waste of time, waste of money. But no more. I will make the effort to read and understand documents. I will speak up when I don’t understand and feel someone is bullshitting me. And I will fight it.

What is the fate of my project?

About 2 years ago, a friend of mine offered a book project based on an essay I wrote. She would like me to expand on it to make it into a whole book. I agreed. So we talked some more about it and off I went to do the research. I was expecting at the time, so she didn’t gave me a contract plus I wasn’t famous to warrant an advance just yet. Because I had published a book before that I worked on before I had a contract, I agreed to it. After all, this is not very uncommon so off I went to research and gathering materials needed for the book.

Along the way, as my pregnancy advanced, I get lazy. The thought of sitting and typing doesn’t excite me much. And my editor, bless her heart, didn’t push me to finish it. She was very generous and let me off the hook. After all I did the research, all I need to do is to write it down and complete it after the baby is born. We both thought it wouldn’t take more than a month to finish it. So I put my feet up and wait for the little bun to cook in the oven.

As life would have it, having a newborn is exhausting and I want to make sure my baby is breastfeed exclusively for the first 6 months of his little live. Writing the book just isn’t top priority anymore. But of course as life would have it, things happens and to make the story short, my editor moved out to another publishing house but my project is not something she could put out there. She still encourages me to finish writing it because well, a) I already started it, b) she has connection, so even if it can’t be published at her current house, she could find other publishing house.

These makes sense of course. However now that she’s officially no longer my editor, I suddenly have no one to read my draft and criticise my work and with no contract whatsoever, I am under no obligation to anyone about anything. Then, I read the news that another famous person is going to do a project very similar to mine. Suddenly I seem to lost all energy I had for it. I don’t have any incentive except maybe a promise of the finished book to the people I interviewed for the project and perhaps to recoup my research cost. I am normally an optimistic person, but right now I feel very pessimistic. Do little ole unknown me stands a chance against a well known writer?

Should I even bother writing it up? Yes of course you should, said my friend. But who’s going to read it? No, I don’t mean the finished book, but who’s going to read my draft? Who’s going to pick at my writing, cross out my run on sentences and tell me to make it better? Inspired by an article in a magazine, I tried to form a writing group. Not succeeding. Perhaps because I don’t try hard enough, the people I asked were more interested in writing a book as a group as opposed to helping each other with their projects. Perhaps I should ask other people. But if past experience are anything, I doubt I’ll find someone who’s on similar boat as I am. Believe me I did tried with other project and it failed spectacularly. Not unless there’s an actual carrot dangled. Without that carrot, no one gives a crap.

So, what would become of this particular project? Why am I so scared of writing it? Why do I feel I need someone to read it over? Why would anyone want to read my progress for free? I don’t know. I’m waiting for some fairy godeditor, as opposed to godmother, to guide me over but I guess I just have to pep myself to finish it. Obviously.

sweet God, give me strength, lucidity and clarity.